...one great stroke with a long thunder and in a brace of shakes all scamper pellmell within door for the smoking shower...

2003-01-15

7:13 p.m.

:tonight i wonder if i am fading from view, disappearing from your memory. i'm betting that you are a revisionist, choosing like a TV anchor or a politician to force your spin on the events of the past months.

:the evening on the curb, when you told me about my chances. "...we'll be together forever," you said.

:the night when the lights spun to match your swirling headful of jackandcokes. between the songs of the newly discovered band we now both love, you said in my ear, "i'm in love with you." i'm still confused as to how the next morning brought your recant.

:but still.

:it won't stop. your too-polite face is beautiful and awful. your eye contact is brief and forced and awkward and sends me reeling. still headoverheels, i've become uptight and silent. but still i watch you, the way you move, the way you smile, the way the light catches your hair. what can i do? i can't stop.

:the ones who make it worthwhile: